21 weeks & irony.

Well, today marks 21 weeks pregnant. By far not out of the danger zone, but getting there. It's already been a week since we were told that 24 weeks is an important benchmark. A week that was significantly easier thanks to something to look forward to each day.

A few ironies have occurred to me this week.

Irony number one - adoption is too expensive. Before we realized we were pregnant we sat for a few hours in an informational adoption seminar. Practically everyone in the room had failed infertility treatment and feeling of relief at having that behind us made the mood something like a homecoming. The end of a dark era in all our lives, no more giddy CD (cycle day) 1's. No more injections that made our abdomens look like Lite Brites. No more phone calls confirming another defeat.

But the adoption landscape has changed significantly since Jonah and I first considered it. A Hague treaty has gone into effect that stifles most adoption programs and has shut down others. Some countries have become a bit alarmed at the number of their children going abroad and have started domestic adoption programs aimed at removing the stigma associated with adoption in those countries. Interestingly, in one country the shut-down was due in large part to a careless comment by an American sportscaster during an Olympic games broadcast. He noted that one of this country's biggest exports to the US was babies. Good lord.

Very few dependable programs continue to operate on something like the schedule we'd hoped for. A year was fine with us to wait and we really weren't concerned about missing the newborn period. But the timeframes stretched out to years and the requirements increased until, as 2 working professionals, we decided we just couldn't afford international adoption. And we just didn't want to wait for domestic adoption - which could also take years. The gap between our children would be so large that we figured we'd essentially be raising two only children.

So we considered going back to fertility treatments, but dismissed that idea rather quickly. I like pain and disappointment as much as the next girl, but IVF takes a long time and time was just running out for us. Not because of our age, but because of our plans right up through retirement and the possibility that our daughter and the new baby would be connected in any meaningful way. So we decided to try on our own again. We got pregnant on our own in January, but lost the baby at 10 weeks. Low and behold we got pregnant again. How great was this? Pregnant, in a good timeframe and without the financial hardship of adoption. Now I'm on bedrest indefinitely. And here's an expense - 5 months minus my full-time salary. My employer offers disability after a one-year waiting period which will expire just about when all this should be over. There is no coverage for an illness in the first year. That ends up being quite a bit more than adoption in the end.

That said, we have faith and it will be ok, but it struck me as funny. Not funny "ha-ha" of course. Funny "eh, *&*$*(#".

Irony #2. We just need to slow down a bit.
This was something I was harped on a lot before being assigned to bedrest. We both have jobs we like, and I work for the schools, so I get a lot of vacation time. Yet we still find ourselves run ragged in the fall and winter. I had all manner of creative ideas for finding time as a family and a couple, but this wasn't one of them.

If anything, this affords us less time as a family and a couple. Jonah runs around doing, essentially, everything and I can't follow my daughter as her pretend play wends its way around the house. So I have slowed down. I've stopped. I'm pulled over at the side of the slow lane with my blinkers on.

So I try to appreciate it as much as I can. I have a lot more time to spend with friends in person, by phone and by email. I have time to write this blog which has no productive value whatsoever. If I weren't doing this I'd be cooking, cleaning or grocery shopping most likely. And that would certainly pass the time. A complaint before was that it passed the time a little too well. Weeks would fly by occupied mostly with filler. Errands, cleaning, working and things that make it possible to forget who you are outside of your daily duties for days on end. I'd give anything to lose a day now. Better yet a week. But I've learned my lesson and I won't focus on that and try to wish it away. I'll focus on making the most of this to best of my pitiful ability.

But I really wish someone would come wax my eyebrows.