bad blogger. no readers for you! [edited to make sense]

It's been so long since I've posted I doubt anyone is still reading, but the blog is good for posterity so here goes a quick update:
- The Bug is doing great. She is 8 and a half months, and I think she mainlines sunshine she's so freaking happy.
- The Bean loves her sister so much she was crying tonight because she missed her sister who had gone to bed about an hour earlier. No trace of jealousy, certainly.
- Work is beyond crazy and balancing it (full-time) with Mr. Kim's demanding job and the family thing means there is often just nothing left. We are all hoping that next year I'll be able to cut back to part time (maybe 4 or 4 and a half days a week - grad school ain't cheap and we're still paying for it).
- And that's probably why my little chest cold got to where it is tonight. Probably bacterial bronchitis. Yeck. I'm home today and have a doctor's appointment at Mr. Kim's insistence.

About a year ago I got my bedrest sentence and about a year ago I started this blog, sitting at home, in bed, bored to death, with bronchitis, worrying that every cough was shortening my cervix. Here I sit today, in bed, bored, disappointed at the lack of progress in daytime television since I left bedrest. At least I don't have to worry about coughing this time.
But the similarities feel a little eerie. Most of the time I'm honestly too busy to remember how panicky I felt a year ago.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm hallucinating this happy ending. I imagine people clucking and shaking their heads after I give an update on my beautiful, happy, good sleeping baby girl who has blue eyes (I had one grandmother with grey eyes, otherwise I can't point to one blue-eyed person in my family). "They say to just go with it, she'll come out of it eventually... so sad" they say as I walk away. My husband pays the daycare lady a little to pretend she is taking and returning my baby each day. Crazy, I know. But the journey of infertility and a tough pregnancy, it's crazy too. It trains us to expect failure, to expect the worst. My well-guarded mind doesn't know what to do with this sunshine and rainbows ending.